1. |
Front Loaded
03:27
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(I got that emo trip out of the way
Except I didn't, so expect that shit when you hit play...)
(I'm not fucking around, I'm front loading this one...)
Sometimes I feel there's a finite amount of happiness
And people more assertive just grab it, I get the last of it
When there's a surplus I steal a normal amount
But under standard circumstances I'm standing here in a drought
It's a fable to display a show of force
When I'm laying on the ground and unable to mount my horse
I'm waiting for the meek to take the planet
Like God promised, but honest I want to shout it out, God damn it
Do you remember when you didn't do your homework?
It's a nervousness while you wait, and that feeling lurks
'Cuz you know they're gonna bring the hammer down
So you'd rather not go, you'd rather just drown
Imagine that, but for your entire life
And you can't feel alive 'cuz you're climbing on ice
I can't pretend that I have it the worst
But I also can't pretend that it doesn't fucking hurt
I've been avoiding this aria for a while
Keep 'em listening by dripping it simple and feeding mild
Writing music that I've come to depend
But no one wants to hear a man dive off of the deep end
They wanna hear me go hard and shit
They wanna hear about my wild side and parties and shit
And when I can't deliver it, then they just up and they split
Music's too uncomfortable for them, they quietly slip
I've been told that I should try and write a happy song
Music's thumping, having fun, nothing's going wrong
Truth is, I have good times like anyone
Problem is, you get one song from it, you're done
'Cuz there's a million ways to say what's shit
Only a small handful with which to say what's lit
Every time I try I feel like it's a god damn skit
So I'm flipping the script instead of calling it quits
I often think about the way it manifests itself
A constant hazard to my future and my mental health
Because it's easier to do nothing than something
At this point, I ain't even running
People insist that the solution is simple
Five easy steps to turn your hum into a whistle
They probably think I'm lazy and useless for no reason
I'm starting to believe them
They never taught me how to have a normal brain
Feeling like I'm never gonna pass go in a rigged game
And maybe I should sip my lunch
Or maybe I should just give up
Is it normal to feel how I feel?
Have well-adjusted, happy people overcome my ordeal?
Did I wind up stuck somewhere along the path
Or does my brain not comply with its programmed math?
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2. |
Eighty-Six
02:30
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There's something sad about community rooms
Volatile, only safe 'till opportunity looms
There's a reason why the doors installed always revolve
Watch enough, you'll learn they're guaranteed to dissolve
Let it repeat until you take it as a given
Experience your vision drop as the space you live in
Four walls, times four, no soul
Melancholic, nostalgic to the days it was a whole
Break it down into its simplest parts
Throwing darts, swim apart, until you're breaking hearts
As a soldier trudging with his pack through the swamp
Bring your baggage to the next ground upon which you would stomp
No more leprechauns to hand-deliver double luck
Now you're stuck as your boiled floorboards bubble up
The memory stings, thrown straight out the mix
No one appreciates an 86
Unravel the conspiracy, a bad year three
Agree to disagree, bending at the knees
Climbing up the wrong tree, cut yourself on bark
Forgot to bring your bite into the cruel dog park
Made the first incision, decision to separate
Didn't make it through the trauma, now burn and incinerate
Breakfast is a luxury, a coronary scar
Pack up all your energy and pull around the car
There's something sad about community rooms
You think you're part of one until you're done pausing and hit resume
Splinter off and hope to keep the magic alive
Wonder why you even tried when you watch it curl and die
The newest floor plan isn't anything but a shell
Recreate the glamor and you only raise hell
Condemn this house of mirrors, disregard the dirty tricks
And anxiously await an 86
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3. |
Paper Plates
03:27
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It always starts out the same
I never wanna think about the tension or shame
I know there's gonna be nobody else to blame
You would think I already had enough of that to my name
So hand me either liquor or beer
Nothing like a cup or shot to help me quell my fears
But it turns out the fears that reside in here
Are brought on by the very poison I'm near
It's hard to view yourself as a person as good
When you're constantly doing things you know that you never should
Empathy and reason both fled
When they listened to the malevolent voice in my head
That said "Hey that bottle isn't mine," "Wait what?
Who cares, you're only here to get drunk
It doesn't matter from which particular cup
So, tomorrow'll never come, drink up"
And that's the message that was written on the paper plate
I never cared for Lady Justice, I would make her wait
The whole world, it orbits around me
That's what I would be believing after round three
And I don't make 'em proud to call me their friend
Only so many many times that you can promise amends
I wish that I could say that I would make it all up
But I've already lied more than once
Honestly, it goes great 'till I'm alone
I knock upon the logic walls and nobody is home
When I'm sitting in my cubicle with nobody to judge
I medicate the painful way, a shove, though, not a nudge
I compare it to a pirate on the plank
Who exploded his ship to ensure that the crew sank
It wasn't enough for him to drown alone
And it's never enough for me to simply drown in woe
And I know that I'm not perfect, I know that I'm no saint
But I like to think without the drink that I'm pretty OK
So why do I continually try to compromise
All the goodness and compassion that I keep locked up inside?
I don't know, I don't know if I ever will
It's a new lifelong struggle, that's a gargantuan pill
It's a goal that seems so far out my natural range
But I'm not stupid, something needs to change
And that's the message that was written on the paper plate
I never cared for Lady Justice, I would make her wait
The whole world, it orbits around me
That's what I would be believing after round three
And I don't make 'em proud to call me their friend
Only so many many times that you can promise amends
I wish that I could say that I would make it all up
But I've already lied more than once
I actually took some time between that verse and this
I made a list of everything that I'll experience or miss
I made a million bad decisions before something finally clicked
I made one more and that one's now to quit
And if I write it down and suddenly return to the start
I got a couple friends would gladly pull me out of the dark
They've given me support every time that I don't deserve it
I've been cashing out on all the good faith that I've been reserving
I'm glad that they still show me their love
I'm glad the consequences could be simply patched in a month
At the very least maybe in the material sense
'Cuz I'm not done, I need to conquer all the fear that I left
I need to show them I can improve
I need to demonstrate that everything I've said now is true
I need to make it known and prone for zero debate
There will never be another paper plate
And that's the message that was written on the paper plate
I never cared for Lady Justice, I would make her wait
The whole world, it orbits around me
That's what I would be believing after round three
And I don't make 'em proud to call me their friend
Only so many many times that you can promise amends
I wish that I could say that I would make it all up
But I've already lied more than once
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4. |
Cinder Blocks
02:56
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Look in the mirror, failure detection
Tortured by overzealous, rapid recollection
Hold it in, ever closer, tight
Be it broken glass, or caustic overnights
Like asking what the needle's for
At the same time injecting and needing more
But this type isn't hypodermic
It's a fire burning, it's a guise of learning
It doesn't matter what's inside
Don't care, insulin or formaldehyde
Neither one is safe through the skin
When you haven't got an idea what's occurring within
See five doctors, a shaman
Disregard the pad and trust in an "amen"
Reflect, and I might erupt
Place a cardboard box in the aqueduct
I'm pleading guilty, Your Honor
But you don't care how I plead
Cinder blocks into the water
Goodbye, wish me godspeed
I'm pleading guilty, Your Honor
But you don't care how I plead
Cinder blocks into the water
Goodbye, wish me godspeed
I'm pleading guilty, Your Honor
But you don't care how I plead
Cinder blocks into the water
When I found that judge was me
When at last I sink to the bottom
Deny to myself that I ever had a problem
Make sense of the mess I made
Lied when I said that I'd stow the blade
When you finally figure it out
It can plant the seeds that lead to self-doubt
Like, was it all a big smoke screen lately?
Do I hate the components that make me?
Try to prove that it's justified
And you've already committed a significant crime
Put the words into someone's mouth
And you've murdered the guard of the yard farmhouse
In the past, if it's all the same
Is anyone at fault if it causes pain?
I don't know, I just work here, man
So don't try to draw those lines in the sand
I'm pleading guilty, Your Honor
But you don't care how I plead
Cinder blocks into the water
Goodbye, wish me godspeed
I'm pleading guilty, Your Honor
But you don't care how I plead
Cinder blocks into the water
Goodbye, wish me godspeed
I'm pleading guilty, Your Honor
But you don't care how I plead
Cinder blocks into the water
When I found that judge was me
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5. |
Like Flies
04:00
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If you ask me, I'm done trying to talk through a screen
I had enough of that shit when I turned sixteen
Honestly, those friends were some of the best of my life
But it taught me that a surge might as well have been a scythe
So, people got taller, my world got smaller
Friends skipping town for the crown of a scholar
And that's okay, I say that's okay
You can't blame people trying to chase some more pay
But that raises the question, what is there to do
When your private oasis transforms into a tomb?
That question becomes so difficult to answer
When your principle succumbs from what's the opposite of cancer
A narrower mountain with higher ascent
I wanted life to be simple, but shit that's not what I meant
If could take it all back, I don't know what I'd have said
I think I said it all before they nested, packed it, and left
I'm a man, I'm a person that's the sum of their parts
And those parts are other people and their scars on my heart
I'd be lying if I said it never tears me apart
Oftentimes I can't help myself but stare at their marks
Maybe I'll be like my bro and I'll return to a screen
There's a million other messages to send and receieve
As for who they'll be from, well that remains to be seen
I just hope that I'll be happy with whatever routine
Make me proud
Make me loud
Bass, it drowns
Send more sound
Sea of sights
Looming nights
Guiding lights
Drop like flies
When that wall of glass shatters and the sun's in the dirt
It's hard to stop from thinking that the world is done and it hurts
Just look outside the window and the serpents agree
That it's lacking in a certain sense of permanency
So the clock ticks forward and the body unwinds
While the spirit argues that it's missing out on its prime
And who's to say it isn't when your soul's on the line?
Or when your brain's playing center while your heart's on the side?
And I circle 'round backwards, no one's paving the way
Add another crack fractured with the changing of dates
Call me childish, 'cause I know I can't take that change
Call me boring, 'cause I crave the same old every day
And that's crazy, you can't expect no shit to stick around
And when it doesn't, no, you can't go having fits on the ground
That's denying every chance that I've been given to grow
But then tell me what's the reason to know?
See, when the flesh and blood fades and disappears behind a screen
To consider it a death is just a little bit extreme
But it isn't worth the effort made to mobilize a fleet
Compared to a simple journey of one hundred thousand feet
We can say five-hundred miles, we can say five-hundred more
But we both know that our planes and cars are bolted to the floor
I genuinely hope that every blade of grass is green
In the black hole that exists behind the screen
Make me proud
Make me loud
Bass, it drowns
Send more sound
Sea of sights
Looming nights
Guiding lights
Drop like flies
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6. |
||||
Nobody could be any happier
Just make sure to keep your cap immersed
I've arrived in time to steal your worth
Don't you worry, I can heal with words
Perk up, all you transients
Now I address you as your champion
Kneel upon the floor of my stage
Call me the king of this cage
It's accepted hard work trumps talent
But try contesting that case when they banging down the mallet
'Cause nowadays it's demanded you have both
And if you don't, well you might as well hang yourself by a rope
But luckily I don't have to worry about that
'Cause in a hurry I can furnish up a flurry of tasks
All so I can graduate the top of my class
And continue conceding and bleeding and busting my ass
People say they'd be lucky to be me
And looking at it objectively, well, I'd have to agree
You see, I'll probably be in the top fifty percent
Of people who can comfortably afford the rent
'Cause I'm studying hard, I'm getting a degree
So that I can pay for more than one mouth to feed
So when people ask me how I'm holding up
I'm ecstatic simply making enough (That's what I'll tell them)
Nobody could be any happier
Just make sure to keep your cap immersed
I've arrived in time to steal your worth
Don't you worry, I can heal with words
Perk up, all you transients
Now I address you as your champion
Kneel upon the floor of my stage
Call me the king of this cage
It's a problem embedded as a tradition
Instead of sticking together, we make it a competition
Placing each other under so much scrutiny
That we forget the people who really deserve a mutiny
Instead we respect them, instead we elect them
Instead we idolize them as a symbol of perfection
And so we get the people at the top at the top
Hoping that the rest of us will be content wagging our mops
Got us all chasing a theoretical prize
If you try and turn away you say heretical lies
It only gets worse until you're carted off in a hearse
Because you dared try and search for alternative self-worth
Hope you feel like rising to the top of the pile
And I hope you feel at home with a knife and a smile
For now we gotta struggle with this hustle and grind
With a promise it'll pay off in time
If you're wondering how these two threads connect
It's these societal pressures leading to thousands of deaths
Just look at the suicide rate for MIT
12.5 out of 100k for 2014
If you ask me what does this statistic mean
It means that people like me shouldn't be schooling for cheap
They claim that the game is a meritocracy
Until it interferes with profits, that's some hypocrisy
Please, they only blowing out air to agree
If they really cared, others would be going for free
"But wouldn't that mean people would get worthless degrees?"
Well maybe, but maybe we should stop handing them out like candy
And if that means that I'm the first one off the chopping block
I would gladly move aside and let someone else take my spot
But because I'm here now, and I'm earning prestige
Can't you see I'm really really really happy?
Nobody could be any happier
Just make sure to keep your cap immersed
I've arrived in time to steal your worth
Don't you worry, I can heal with words
Perk up, all you transients
Now I address you as your champion
Kneel upon the floor of my stage
Call me the king of this cage
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7. |
Just Like Us
02:31
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(Adults say...)
Children are to be seen, not heard
But they simultaneously don't care about any words
You could have a million thoughts, have a million lines
But it doesn't matter, they've already made up their minds
So what's a young kid to do
When they were taught to only speak when already spoken to?
'Cause when that rhetoric enters their ears
You know that attitude goes from adults to their peers
Some learn how to forge bonds
While others only learn how to appropriately respond
It can be a minefield to navigate when you
Believe when you salivate, you're sent right to the magistrate
So you trim your words, the volatile kind
While wishing you could transform like Optimus Prime
Believing that you're only scrubbing off all the grime
Given enough time, realize that you're riding the pine
So go ahead, put me in coach
But wait, I never practiced or took any notes
Now I gotta dry spot up in my throat
I believe this is what the kids call "missing the boat"
Try to copy other people's MO
Then you shout into a meadow only to receive an echo
Where's the spot on the calendar to mark the demo?
Give me a memento, I must have missed the memo
You would think that if you wanted to be heard
Only to have it thrown back at you, it'd be absurd
Well, generally, you'd probably be right
But some would rather not risk sounding impolite
Because they know what it's like to feel cast out
So they would honest rather be the last to shout
They would rather adopt the image of bland
Than going back to being broken with their head in the sand
And can you blame them, or would you shame them?
Maybe wage a war against the people that had made him?
That's a real productive endeavor to undertake
Meanwhile, add another lesser candle to the cake
Blow them out, son, make a wish
But never tell us, we'll laugh at a kiss
What do you mean you're not just like us?
How did you screw up so much?
Don't you know that we're all counting up years?
Don't you know that it's a competition with peers?
Don't you know that you've already fallen behind
And now people think you're sick in the mind?
Of course, I'm not a stupid idiot, man
But I don't see you offering up a legitimate plan
I don't have one either, so just let me be
I'm trying to figure out what matters to me
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8. |
Smile Wide
03:29
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They said, "Don't worry about the smile on your face"
They said, "Be the best of the rest of the human race."
Let me just say that I'm trying, and I don't know 'bout you
But it's kinda hard to do with a couple of screws loose
Like, every step, they move the goalpost back
And every step, I just keep letting my compost pack
I wish I could go and wear my heart on my sleeve
But when you say you're fine, everybody breathes in relief
I used to turn to alcohol for the sound
Reassurance at a penny a pound
But when my friends stopped listening to me bitch when I was drunk,
Nothing left to do but self-destruct
Listen, I know I'm not alone, we all wear masks
But not everyone is always taken to task
When people discover that the mask turned blue
Because the person underneath bled through
"Don't ever let 'em know that you cried
You mustn't ever let go of your pride
If you can't handle the rising tide
It doesn't matter, boy, smile wide
If you have to, stay inside
And don't you ever try to share or confide
If you can't handle the rising tide
It doesn't matter, boy, smile wide"
Switch back and forth between a jester and a zombie
Chest is either puffed out or it's easier to drop me
All that matters is the audience size
If it's more than none, it's staggeringly easier to hide
You think you leave a sign in every crack and seam
But it's like the right side of a pirate's movie in 3D
Technically present, but it's hidden from sight
Laughing your ass off from a tight rope at a dangerous height
But behind closed doors, it's weird
Frozen in a chair and engulfed by fears
Sit for a couple hours, then resign to a nap
Wake up and desperately hope that the wave has passed
At the worst, no, I can't even sleep
Try to block out the thoughts with unpredictable leaks
But I'll never self-frame, and I'll never complain
Because that kind of stuff, you're meant to keep contained
"Don't ever let 'em know that you cried
You mustn't ever let go of your pride
If you can't handle the rising tide
It doesn't matter, boy, smile wide
If you have to, stay inside
And don't you ever try to share or confide
If you can't handle the rising tide
It doesn't matter, boy, smile wide"
When my ramp cracks, get onto an Amtrak
Give a signature to get my hand-delivered anthrax
"Oh, he's dangerous, cordon him off
Look at the monster, disgusting, hoarding his thoughts!"
But I'm living large under this bridge
I got a sick bed, made of a misty pillow and ditch
Lived a couple years, found some D-I-Y tricks
Pass it off to my visitors as the Ritz
That's what people get when they look in, it's a mirage
That's why people look away when breaking in bras
What's the strongest antonym of the word proud?
Find it out and shout it from the clouds
That's the kind of thought, makes me afraid to be heard
Makes me constantly question what I do and don't deserve
And if this mask endures, enough with the verbs
I can never express it unless with words
"Don't ever let 'em know that you cried
You mustn't ever let go of your pride
If you can't handle the rising tide
It doesn't matter, boy, smile wide
If you have to, stay inside
And don't you ever try to share or confide
If you can't handle the rising tide
It doesn't matter, boy, smile wide"
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9. |
So I've Heard
03:16
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Keys in the ignition, give it a turn
Listen to the tires squeal and smell the rubber burn
Crack open the GPS and tell it that you broke it off
Drop it out the window at the first sign of a railroad cross
Keep on going, don't you worry 'bout the gas
Watch it go from E to F and know you had a blast
Soul imprinted on the key attached there to the ring
A symbol of your travel and the freedom that it brings
A million times a week I wish that I could up and leave
Drive around the city as a luxury reprieve
Unfortunately I'm still stuck here at the starting block
Because I never did required laps around the parking lot
I hope someday that I can feel that rush of open air
I hope someday that I can feel it flowing through my hair
I hope someday that I can feel as free as a bird
It's really something special, so I've heard
Rip open the envelope, read the amount
Split in half between the checking and savings accounts
Knowing it's your first, watch your confidence surge
Treat yourself and learn to periodically splurge
Monitor your spending and keep track of the source
Cherish your independence when that income is yours
Don't intertwine your self-esteem inside that pot of gold
But always make sure that it's full and reap rewards when you get old
A million times a week I wish that I had solid worth
Simultaneously wishing that I never had to work
Unfortunately I know that they'll never both be true
So I've spent every day ignoring every single clue
I hope someday that I can feel like I haven't been tricked
I hope someday that I can feel like something finally clicked
I hope someday that I can wring a skill set I have learned
It's really something special, so I've heard
Wake up in the morning, whisper hello
Take a moment to marvel at the head there on the pillow
'Cause she's so beautiful, and you're so lucky
Somebody pinch you, you're dreaming, you know you must be
Never met someone with so much love
Telling her corny lines like, "You came from above"
Every time she looks at you, your heart could explode
Because you never thought you'd find the other half of your own
A million times a week I wish that I had someone close
That I could wrap my arm around and hang on every word they spoke
Unfortunately I wear an involuntary shield
Rather cry than try to tell somebody how I feel
I hope someday that I can feel that warmth in someone's eyes
I hope someday that someone could consider me their prize
I hope someday that I can hear those three little words
It's really something special, so I've heard
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10. |
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She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through.
Then passed right by–
And never knew.
There's a ring mailed on the way
But for who, well, I couldn't say
I bought it just in case
There's something beyond today
And I know you're coming soon
Believe me, I'm coming too
I have to believe that's true
I have to believe there's you
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11. |
In Another Castle
03:25
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What I'm looking for, I'll find it in another castle
Boy, I love jumping on the axe
If it ever gets to be too much a hassle
Maybe it'll motivate me to get off of my ass
As it is I spin in circles and rhyme
I'm finding it hard to move
Five stitches in time rips nine
Why not hit snooze?
I've said all I can say
I have another dream to wake from
Today could be the day
That something besides rain comes
And if I just wait
Maybe I'll stumble by
There's no need to be brave
No need to cry
But I know she'll never come like that
Nobody in history has ever loved like that
And when, finally, I learn to realize that
It'll be a little easier to peel it back
Or so I tell myself
Knowing damn well that I'll never help myself
And while I'm sitting here, slowly beating myself
I'm throwing salt into my ever-flowing, bleeding health
Our love was pure with arms open wide
Until the clock struck nine A.M.
When you were gone, it was like you had died
I can't go through that pain again
I spend every waking moment chasing after you
Though you were only ever in my mind
I know you won't be there but still I choose
Not to face my fears, stay blind
I keep insisting there's more castles to find
My only castle is here
And no I can't rewind time
I can't take back years
Cuz I know she'll never come like that
Nobody in history has ever loved like that
And when, finally, I learn to realize that
It'll be a little easier to peel it back
Or so I tell myself
Knowing damn well that I'll never help myself
And while I'm sitting here, slowly beating myself
I'm throwing salt into my ever-flowing, bleeding health
So when they're digging up this record and ask
"What ever happened to the man in the songs?"
You can tell them I was buried in grass
And that I waited too long
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12. |
Figure Eight
04:46
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Started with an x, y, z
Substitute out, now it's two from 3
All equipped with autonomy free
Though it's unavoidable, yo it's still debris
There was never any "me" in this equation
Intermediate within a sea of desperation
It's a new sensation
Got me considering different kinds of medication
No cards ever read like
Two hearts, one life
One would steal blind
The other would remind
Nobody involved is at fault
'Cause there was never a case of attempted assault
For it to even be an issue
There would have to be a victim and a tissue
And I only got half
But boy, do I got a lot of halves
And that bomb never came with a blast
So it's pain that I mask with a labored laugh
Three rooms apart
Two rooms, one start
One room, one tear
No room, no fear
It's worse 'cause it could've been helped
But I held one too many moments to myself
Now I'm feeling helpless
'Cause nobody's sympathetic when you're jealous
And that's really at the root of it
A constant reminder that I screwed up and
There was never an attempt
There was never an attempt
Why would I cling
So much to sing?
Not mine, never was
Too much time, not enough
And I know exactly what it makes me
Pathetic 'cause I can't break free
Always focus on the same damn themes
Broken, break down, talk to me
I wanna evict, it's insane
Every visit like a brick to the face
I can't play, 'cause it ain't my game
But I feel like I lost every time anyway
I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry
Lying when I insist I'm fine
Gladly offer up my spine
Swing on it as a relation transfer vine
And I keep running laps
And she keeps running laps
And I try to relax
But I keep on barreling down the same damn track
And I just need a tiny bit of space
'Cause if I want to heal I need my space
And all I want is space
But it keeps coming back in a fucking figure eight
Feeling better, that's the roundabout
Get to the center, knocked down and out
Vent a little, push it out to the crowd
And hope that this admission doesn't turn things south
While I was mulling over visions
I was schooled in what seems like a matter of minutes
Any thought to the result and it would seem like a given
But I was testing my delusion, pushing it to the limit
Thinking I don't have any proof
And I'm hoping it's my own elaborate ruse
But it's here, under this damn roof
And it's none of my business, and that's the truth
And they would call him the mastermind
Except for the fact he never planned a crime
And even though it leaves a hole that bleeds
No one in this world has stolen from me
And though I felt forsaken, and though it left me shaken
I croak or I awaken knowing it was overrated
Now, I'm almost certain, I'll learn to understand
That chase was the domain of another man
But it really is hard
And some days I'm convinced that I really am scarred
Scribble that shit down on a greeting card
And then spend the twenty dollars to attend my seminar
So what really is the point?
Perceived kick to the groin, then I scream to the void?
Go ahead, spend a couple of coins
And someday, this'll all be on a Polaroid
And whose fault is that?
You can't claim to defend if you never attacked
I'm not mad, I don't play those games
It's just, I don't play those games
And I know that that's my problem
And that's what brought me to rock bottom
So go ahead with your silver tongue
And I'll be here remembering how it stung
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13. |
Big Data (Interlude)
01:02
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If Mark Zuckerberg would take the time to look personally
At the one mere spec of data that has represented me
He could see 13 year old me's favorite song or favorite flicks
Or he could count the frequency of all the names that I have clicked
And if he did, well then he'd see a glaring solitary trend
A single name atop the list of people Facebook calls my friends
I unfollowed you because your pictures caused me too much pain
But all it caused me was to more specifically seek out your name
See, that info is obscured behind the rows of countless sheets
Read by no one other than a cold, heartless machine
I never told you and it's looking like I never will
My secret's only out there on the servers Marcus built
If they weaponized my feelings to deliver me an ad
I would laugh at their ambition before even getting sad
The algorithm knows me better than she ever did
So maybe I should log out, get myself off of the grid
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14. |
45 Wharves
02:45
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Who would have thought that it was possible for one
Person to fuck me up more than I've already done?
Because I've been through this song and dance before
Thought it was the same, but I was wrong, and then it transformed
Started as infatuation
I regressed into a hermit with its maturation
Slowly it poisoned up into more
Buoyant as a thousand ships with 45 wharves
Project it onto others and claim that they made it personal
Project it on myself when I learn there's no serpent soul
Write a couple songs 'bout how I feel tormented
Write a thousand more until I feel I'm maybe mended
I can vouch that I was partially misrepresented
And I can guarantee my voice was never once ascended
But there's a trooper still inside that must be mine, commended
And to this day, I'm still alive enough to sigh, regret it
Walk the world with the stars still in your eyes
If you don't, then one by one, you get to watch them all die
At the ripe old age of 20, I've lost half a galaxy
And I never broke that line of sight, it's always been in scene
Walk through the world with the stars still in your eyes
If you don't, then one by one, you get to watch them all die
At the ripe old age of 20, I've lost half a galaxy
And I never broke that line of sight, it's always been in scene
Try my best to tango with the aftershocks
Fly a sinking ship to space like I'm an astronaut
Head up in the clouds? Nah, head up in the stars
Head up in my sound, and head up in my scars
And I can yap about a mile a minute
And I can rap about a smile and wonder how I can get it
I can waste my time with pillows and shields
Think about it all day long until I'm sleeping, skipping meals
If you don't mind, I think that I will
Let it rewind, play it back and never rebuild
All the wrong kind of memories that need to be killed
Always rebind, and tend to make me physically ill
So I'm choosing, sometimes to specifically be losing
Sometimes improving, but others I'm just cruising
No matter what, which direction it's skewing
I will never cordon off my own true movement
Walk the world with the stars still in your eyes
If you don't, then one by one, you get to watch them all die
At the ripe old age of 20, I've lost half a galaxy
And I never broke that line of sight, it's always been in scene
Walk through the world with the stars still in your eyes
If you don't, then one by one, you get to watch them all die
At the ripe old age of 20, I've lost half a galaxy
And I never broke that line of sight, it's always been in scene
Walk through the world with the stars still in your eyes
If you don't, then one by one, you get to watch them all die
At the ripe old age of 20, I've lost half a galaxy
And I never broke that line of sight, it's always been in scene
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Vitemin Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Ring ring, dinner bell, Bon Appétit / It's the same meat you tried to eat yourself last week
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